Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
