Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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