He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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