I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize