found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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