her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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