I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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