she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
