If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
