Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
