I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The best revenge is premature balding
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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