dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize