we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
