mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize