The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
