The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
