dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
