Jerry, you need to find god
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
