Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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