We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
