So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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