This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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