we have pet lesbian snakes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
