Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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