If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
