my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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