I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cockslap morals
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
