To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
