are you so shy because you have an std?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
