He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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