i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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