i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
