I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
