I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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