i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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