I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
