i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
