i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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