My liver just broke up with me...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
