the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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