True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
