That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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