Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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