I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
