i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize