So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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