babies were throwing up all over the place
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
