When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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