It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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