All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
