Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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