Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize