just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
