Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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