That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
