And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
