She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize