im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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