rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
