i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
