i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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