Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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