Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
