Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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