i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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