Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
