The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
