Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
