I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize