"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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