My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
