I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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