I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
