she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
