neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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