her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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