Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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