i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
