Can Purell be used as lube?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
