every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
