I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
